Can I Call You Mom?

As most days, I left work and went to pick the boys up from their Summer Program. Most rides home from the summer program were similar; we talked about the events/activities for the day, what was for lunch, mini Bruno Mars concerts … and they would  fall asleep about 17 minutes into the drive. IMG_1293

However, on this specific day, as we merged into traffic on Hwy 123 entering into Easley; I was asked a question. Amber, can I call you Mom? In the middle of typical conversation, Christian (our 7 year old) just pops the question on me. I look into my rear-view mirror at him and he looks back at me with such innocence. I look over at Ja’Kobe in the passenger seat and he looks at me with such anticipation.

See, the thing is, Jaleesa and I have never had a conversation to force any labels or titles on them. There have been many times when they simply referred to me as “parent, friend, or my mother’s friend”; and all of those acknowledgements are perfectly fine with me…with us. In my mind, these young men have lived seven and eleven years with a supermom, their mother Jaleesa. To me, there is no reason they should call me Mom. I am Amber.

I remember Jaleesa telling me a while ago that Christian would probably cling to me most because his father is completely inactive and there is a void there.

I do not know what it was about that day, or in that moment, that made Christian in the most still voice ask: Amber, can I call you Mom? However, for me to hear those words and see that face in my mirror, I had another moment of knowing I am right where I am supposed to be. Eight months of being completely active in his life, he sees me as “Mom”.

So we talked about it.

Me: Well, okay…I am sure we can work something like that out. How would you distinguish between your mother and I?

Ja’Kobe: Yeah, they both are going to answer.

Christian: I can call mommy “Mama” and call you “Mom”.

Me: Okay, i’m sure we can get used to it. Or if you need to call me Mommy or Mama A or something like that.

Christian: Okay.

And we continued our “normal” ride home. I couldn’t wait to get home and tell Jaleesa 🙂

Christian still calls me Amber often. It was one day, he ran up to me and said “Mom, Mom- I mean…no Mom” lol. As he was going to correct himself and say Amber, he quickly correct himself and kept it at Mom.

That day was special to me. Not because of the title but because of the meaning of the title. My boys can call me whatever feels comfortable for them. But, to know that they recognize my love, my presence, my action, my effort and attributes of a parent (a mother); I am so grateful to be appreciated as such. I try my best to give them my best effort. There are some days I am ill and there are days where I still feel so brand new at this. But, as we learn together, I promise them and myself that I will never stop loving and being a presence in their lives.

– Amber aka Mom

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Same ol’ Song, Different Tune. #BackToSchool!

I don’t even know if Ja’Kobe (our 11 year old) went to bed last night. I had to jump up with his alarm because the moment I heard the alarm go off; he was in our doorway saying “It’s 5:30. Should I get ready?” Christian getting up so easily is a totally different story. However, even this morning it only took about seven “Christian, get up!” for him to actually get up and…not pout about it! OMG!! These kids aren’t normal. They have actually been counting down the days until it’s time to go back to school.

 

Amber’s Perspective:

So for me, I was really excited for the first day of school as well. Jaleesa (our boys birth mother) and I started dating the first day of August in 2016. I didn’t meet the kids until mid October. Therefore, this was my very first real “I got a kid” first day of school moment! I get to take the cute pictures, I get to give the awesome pep

IMG_7517talks, I get to meet them as soon as they get home from school. I mean…I have been dreaming of these moments! It is moment’s like these that makes me so very grateful that Jaleesa, Jakobe and Christian allowed me to join their lives and become a larger bunch!

 

 

 

 

Jaleesa’s Perspective:

After a few years of doing this “Back To School” stuff, I pretty much feel like a Pro (you know #Supermom status). Clothes, check! Supplies, check! Haircuts, check! Tears, check! Etc etc, check! Oh yeah, those other supplies/things/2amthenightbeforethinkingofstuff…CHECK! I have always been used to making sure Ja’Kobe and Christian were ready for their new school year.

IMG_7530However, this year it was different. This year it was not just me. This year it was US. WE were getting our boys ready for the First Day of School. I remember Amber sending me pictures of shoes saying “Look what I just ordered the boys for school”. In my mind, I was like “Yaaassss hunni! You better!” but my heart knew it was so much more! Without question. Without hesitancy. I felt so full! It was another confirmation of, “Hey, I am here with y’all”. I sat today with joy and admiration as I watched Amber experience her first Back To School as a Mother. Although, I have been able to experience daily that it is no longer Jaleesa and her boys; it was something about sharing this Back To School experience with Amber that exemplified that this is totally an US thing! For the first time, I did not cry about this new transition in their lives. I felt a sense of calm. A sense of peace. A confirmation of protection…and love.